Reverse Alchemy: FAT Chance for Thai Football

by Absolute Thai Football

Subject: March 8th 2011. A great opportunity

Son I have a job for you. How about running football? All you do is welcome the sponsors in (the TV contracts are already signed) and plenty of European clubs are keen as mustard to work with us. Sorry I can’t be around for the Olympic qualifiers, but you’ll easily beat Palestine; they haven’t played a home game in their history! I’ll book the tickets for London 2012 while I’m away and make sure we get good seats.
I know you have it in hand (I saw the Post It on your desk) but just make sure that Sutjarit Jantakolin doesn’t go to Palestine. I know FIFA have probably forgotten the red from 2008, but it’s better safe than sorry. I know he played in the Asian Games last year, but I’m pretty sure those games weren’t sanctioned by them. Imagine if we won the game and a three nil defeat was put on our record! Sorry to nag, but that’s dads for you.
Take care son. This is the best gig ever.

Don’t forget to ask the guy who checks your desk to ask the guy who writes your report to check that player!


Subject:: March 10th 2011. Booted Out of the Olympics!

Blimey son, what happened there? Don’t worry. I’ve launched a pointless appeal with my friend Mohammed Bin Hammam (he’s been really generous with the FIFA Goal grants for the piece of land at Nong Jork that I don’t own.). I’ll tell the AFC Sutjarit was in the Thai squad at last year’s Asian Games but didn’t play. I know it’s weak, but if you keep losing your Post Its what else can I say? By the time that’s done the SEA games will take the heat out of the situation. We’re bound to do well there and the little Olympic oversight will be a thing of the past. If things get a bit tricky I’ve promised England my vote for their World Cup bid. I know I’m not going to vote for them, but they’ll play us next June and, by the time they realize I voted for Spain and Qatar in December, it should be too late to change. If they win the vote they’ll forget about my promise anyway. One vote shouldn’t make any difference.

May 6 . Still in business.

Things got a bit tricky with the FAT President vote. I was about to lose and then I realised: I am the President. I can stop the election whenever I like! All this nonsense about a slump for the national team and poor organisation gave me a great idea. Agree! I told them the election wasn’t organised properly, giving me just enough time to strong arm a few votes before the next election and I’m back on the gravy train. Even better than that, technically I wasn’t even the President as my term had expired, but no one dared tell me: they’d have to deal with me once I got back in. Peachy! Have to say though, I was pretty gutted that the election had more than one candidate. I don’t know what Pichate Munkong thought he was doing standing against me. That is duly noted the next time Thai Port need our help.

Daddy Cool Saturday May 14th 12:22 2011 :
Get Triesman! Can’t believe he used his immunity in the House of Lords to say I wanted TV rights for the England game to vote for their World Cup bid.

Daddy’s Boy Saturday May 14th 12:23 2011 :
I thought you did?

Daddy Cool Saturday May 14th 12:22 2011 :
I absolutely deny that and have never taken part in anything illegal. Now get off the computer and call me on the secure line.

November 3rd. Let’s finish the year on a high.
SEA is a great way to bury the other bad news. Just get through the group stages and then I’ll dampen expectations with the floods and the extra Toyota Cup matches ( don’t tell them they were my idea.) Malaysia and Singapore will be tricky, but one win is realistic and Singapore and Cambodia are both beatable. Nine points will get you through, so three wins will do us fine.

November 17th. Don’t talk to anyone.


December 2nd. We’re back on track

Son: I called the English FA earlier in the year checking they’d still play us if I didn’t vote for them. They said they would, so not only will I vote for Spain and Qatar, but when England get through the first stage I’ll have a public rethink. My vote will be gold dust.

20120302-143156.jpgDecember 3rd. Everyone sold England down the river. 50% of their votes was their own!

December 4th. England have cancelled the match next June. Where is their honour?

March 1st. We need some good news!

Son – I noticed the four Buriram lads weren’t on the Oman flight. With all the injuries we really can’t do without Siwalak, Suchao, Jakrapan or Jiwarat. I was glad to hear that Sompop Nilwong had his passport, but I forgot to register him with the AFC. Maybe if you ask them nicely he could play? Tell them we promise not to do it again. I’m getting some grief from the coach just because we forgot to book the friendly match with the UAE and replaced them with The Maldives. He’s just bitter because only five players turned up for training and he had to pay for the 20 actors to make up the squad photo. He is so ungrateful. I might change coaches for the finals in Brazil.

March 2nd. Problems solved: Let’s host the World Cup!

We’re aiming for 2026 or 2030. It is so important that everyone gets behind the bid and that no one makes any accusations of corruption or unprofessional conduct. If they do, they will be the ones to blame if the bid fails. Sometimes I just love being me .